False Prophets of Swole - 'The Abercrombie Workout'

This is what a real man looks like.  Incidentally, this is also what a man looks like when he gets out  of a cold pool.

There are many roads one can follow on the path of swole.  Some are simple and direct in their pursuit of size and strength (heavy compound lifts multiple times a week.)  Others are more circumlocutory in their pursuit (Strength dominant, cardio heavy, sports such as football, e.g.)  Then there paths that lead to ruin, such as 'The Abercrombie Workout.'

Before I dive in to this 'workout' and 'philosophy', let me make one thing clear - If you're a male and workout for any other reason than becoming bigger (in terms of muscle), faster and stronger, then you are doing a disservice to the male populace and should castrate yourself now.  I'll wait.

I won't link directly to the sites I mention in these posts, as I don't want to be directly responsible for any traffic they get.  That said, you can use the googles if so desired.

Let's start the parade of bullshit:

'The Abercrombie Workout' is a spam site pushing something called 'Visual Impact Muscle Building' - An approach to bodybuilding that guarantees you will forever be a weak, skinny douche with toothpick legs.

This is not a man.

From the website:

Are You A Victim Of Squats, Dead Lifts, And The Bench Press??

Let's look at the text, block by block, with rebuttal:

(This is the kind of body that the “Big 3″ lifts will create. You do NOT want this. Round and puffy muscles with a thick midsection doesn't cut it for Abercrombie models)

1) Squats- Do a great job of adding a lot of mass to your thighs and butt. You do NOT want this! Abercrombie models don’t have huge butts or thighs because it will ruin their look. They also won’t be able to fit into stylish pants.

 The argument against squats here boils down to this:  Skinny Jeans.  If you're overly concerned with wearing the same jeans as your little sister you might want to consider gender reassignment surgery.  Unless you're a hipster, then you might want to consider suicide, instead.  Squats, without argument, are one of the best exercises you can do for total body strength (tied with the deadlift, of course.)

Doing squats with significant volume and weight WILL lead to huge legs, but for the overwhelming majority of people, this will never be an issue, so squat away and enjoy being a much stronger human being.  Here's a picture of a guy who honestly thinks his legs are too big:

Seriously, look at those tree trunks.

As an aside, the guy in the picture above (let's call him "Trevor",) seriously believes that he needs to lose size in his legs in order to fit into jeans because his legs are sooo big.

2) Dead Lifts- This lift also does an incredible job of adding mass to the midsection, thighs, and butt. Adding mass to your midsection will ruin the natural “V” in your upper body. Take a moment and study their physique. They all have nice wide shoulder that tapers down to a small and lean waist.

 First, let's look at what Abercrombie models look like:

Those chicks should put shirts on.

Now, lets look at a powerlifter - Matt Kroczaleski

Yup, no "V" taper in his upper body at all.

Deadlift, like the squat, is a whole body exercise that focuses primarily on the posterior chain (the whole of the back, the glutes, hamstrings, etc.)  Like the squat, the deadlift turns you into a beast of a man.  The difference between the two pictures says more than I ever could, but ladies, let me ask you a question:  Who do you think is better in bed, two skinny looking asthmatics who look like they were just liberated from Auschwitz, or someone who looks like he could bench press you and the bed?

3) Traditional Bench Press: I am still a huge fan of the bench press, just not the flat bench or decline bench. These lifts focus way too much on lower pec development. You don’t want your pecs to resemble that of woman’s breasts. This is why I only recommend doing chest exercises in an inclined fashion. You want masculine square pecs. A line that goes all the way up to the collar bone is very desirable. Upper pec development will give you that angular looking chest that women love.

Yeah, not at all what women want.

 Bench, regardless of how you do it, is a good exercise. While there is slightly different targeting between incline and flat, if you're going for size/mass, it doesn't really matter which you do.  They both work the deltoids, triceps and the pectorals, to varying degree.  They both work the entirety of the pectorals (both the Sternal and Clavicular head).  That said, working the incline DOES engage the clavicular head more, but any noticeable size difference will primarily come from the more intense recruitment of the deltoids.  Any angularity that your chest has is likely from not having enough muscle, and has nothing to do with which angle you bench at, so stop being a pussy and bench more.  Alternatively, do Overhead Press.

4) Bonus: It is also a good ideal to stray away from shrugs and upright rows. Abercrombie and Fitch models have wide and ripped shoulders. Adding mass in traps will take away from your sharp, angular, wide shoulders. This is extremely important for you as well as models to sport fashionable clothes. For more tips and techniques check out REDACTED FOR BULLSHIT CHRONICLE

Honestly, some people don't want large traps.  They usually look like this:

Even twinks think this guy is weak.

Traps help round out a muscular frame, and they're supremely important in the pursuit of strength, as they're used in everything from Bench Press, to Dead Lift.  As a bonus, they give your partner something to hold on to when giving her a good rogering, just ask Swolesister!

Ron Swanson is not impressed

It is a good thing that 'Survival of the Fittest' does not apply to the modern male, because otherwise, we'd never have made it out of the 60's and 70's.   Hippies try to take credit for everything from ending "the Vietnam war" (which they didn't, television ended it,) to "The Computer Revolution" (nope, that was the cold-war.)  In reality however, the Hippy movements only real accomplishment was the start of 'The Pussification of Man'(TM.)  Let's just take a look at the evolution of man over the last several decades:

Man, circa 1954

Post WWII - Men were still men, we were fighting the communists, working manual labor jobs, drinking and smoking in our offices while sexing up our secretaries and eating steak and eggs every morning.  Then we hit the 60's.

"Man", circa 1969

Much better music than the previous generation, Drugs became more readily accessible - but made you think shit like eating flowers and not bathing were good ideas.  Also, patchouli was introduced, which research suggests causes severe damage to the brain and sperm as evidenced by the offspring:

70's - A whole generation of men lost due to disco and cocaine

The rise of disco, polyester, and the start of the effeminate male.  Thankfully however, due to the cold war, we still had some competitive drive in us.  The Russians started producing superhuman athletes and pioneered research in anabolic steroids, which introduced the idea of the modern muscle man (Schwarzenegger, Ferrigno, and the like), and gave the whole world a much needed boost in testosterone (though not nearly enough.)

80's - Where Rape-Face was sexy.

Which improved even the male model populace in the 80's, temporarily.  Sure, they were cheesy, but they weren't emaciated as in the 70's.  Then something terrible happened:

Fucking Hair Bands

And we never recovered.  Spandex, Lycra and heroin all became popular.  Thusly, effeminate hair styles, skinny dudes, shaved chests and armpits also became popular.  All of which can be attributed seen in one of the most egregious affronts to the male archetype, ever:  Hair Metal Bands.  Many people attribute the rise in Hair Bands a natural progression from the drug fueled hard-rock era of the 70's, but that's bullshit:  Hair Bands were popular in the Eastern Block countries much earlier than the United States.  It is no coincidence that Hair Metal became popular in the western world during this guy's presidency:

Who, due to his failing memory and rational capability, wound down the cold-war (which ended the year his presidency ended) as well as championed an economic theory which favored cocaine fueled wall-street executives, instead of the hard working auto-workers in Detroit, or the gruff coal miners in Virginia.

The 90's brought us further emasculation through the rise of, you guessed it, "Abercrombie & Fitch".  A&F as we now it was shat onto the world in the early 90's when the company went through a 'rebranding' from a sporting goods retailer to a reasonably affordable 'fashionable' clothing.  Here's the result:

Thankfully Bruce Willis got to Demi before this douche.

A new hope

The last few decades have been tough for men, but all is not lost.  Since the late 1980's there has been an underground resurgence of Strongman competitions due in part to the popularization of competitions such as "The Worlds Strongest Man", "The Highland games," where men with names like "Magnus", "Hafþór Björnsson" and "Phil" pay homage to Brodin by lifting obscenely heavy things repeatedly.  The men do not fall victim to the latest fads such as "The Shrinkwrap Effect", "P90X" and "Jogging."  They eat big, lift heavy, crush their enemies, drive the weak before them and hear the lamentations of their women, and we would all be better off emulating their regimens.

Picture Relevant

Weakness is not a virtue

Programs like "The A&F" workout or "Visual Impact Muscle Building" rub me the wrong way for many reasons, but the crux of my issue with them boils down to this:  There are very few (if any) instances where a human should desire to be a weaker version of themselves. Programs like the aforementioned, however, try to pass off weakness and mediocrity as desirable and attractive traits, and the bad thing is, people buy into it.  It does a disservice to themselves, to humanity, and to Brodin.

It's Dangerous to go alone! Take this! Episode 1 - Grip Strength

The path of the Brodinian is one of blood, sweat, viscera and a furrowed brow, but that does not mean we travel the path empty handed. "It's Dangerous to go alone!" will focus on tools, supplements and various other products that can help you on our path.  Each entry will focus on gear that helps with specific lifts, aspects of strength, recovery, or just generally neat things.

Grip Strength

Anybody who has embarked on the path for any period of time has at one point had their grip falter, and had to end a set too early.  A strong grip is not only helpful for pulling exercises like deadlift, rows, etc.  It helps with pushing exercises by allowing 'irradiation' (activation of nearby muscles to allow for more synergism). It is also a sign of masculinity, as it contributes to a strong handshake.  If your grip is weak, you might find yourself relying on things like straps, hooks, etc. for deadlifts and rows when you're not even pulling significant weight.  If your forearms are weak, you might find yourself experiencing pain in the elbow or wrist when doing overhead press and related activities.  So let's go over some gear that helps strengthen your grip!

Fat Gripz

 Fat Gripz are removable neoprene sleeves that go around your dumbbells or standard Olympic bar to make the diameter larger.  When first using them, you'll notice a significant drop in the amount of weight you can work with, as your hands aren't used to the diameter.  Give it a few weeks of consistent training and you'll be able to pull significantly more weight with 'double overhand' when you switch back.

One of the main reasons to do thick bar training (and thus use something like "Fat Gripz") is for the aforementioned irradiation theory. When you use a bar with a wider diameter, you're forced to grip with your fingers harder, which in turn activates the forearm muscles to a greater degree.

To really benefit from "Fat Gripz", use them on dumbbells for your farmers walks.  You'll drop the weight A LOT more often, but the carryover will be huge to your other exercises.

Thick bar training has its place in pushing exercises for much the same reason. When you're executing an exercise such as a flat bench press, proper technique involves gripping the bar tightly (going white knuckled, even.) Wider bar = more surface area to grip.  Read more about thick bar training here.

Hand Gripper

If you've never seen a hand gripper, I'd truly be surprised.  I won't go into too much detail here except to say that grip trainers are awesome, especially if used in progressive fashion.  The best aspect is that you can use these pretty much anywhere.  If you work an office job, just keep them at your cubicle.  As a bonus, when you hit the 250+ range, you can have your co-workers try to squeeze them, and be amazed at how strong your grip is.  The downside - you'll likely be opening every jar in the office.

Pull Up Bar

Pull ups are, without a doubt, one of the best exercises you could ever do for yourself.  They strengthen the arms, shoulders, the entire upper back, and of course, GRIP.  The bar above is great because it allows you to work a variety of angles (pronated, suppinated and neutral), but even better - if you have something similar to "Fat Gripz", you can slide those over top the bar and get even more bang for your buck!  Alternatively, in lieu of "Fat Gripz" you can hang towels from the bar and do pull-ups and chins with those.  

A Sample Grip Improving Workout

So I'm pushing all this gear, and if you're smart, you've ordered at least one of those items (or already have them.)  Now, how do you use them?  Here's a workout I perform pretty regularly:

• Farmer's Walks - 90lbs Dumbbell each hand - 60 seconds x 3
• Farmer's Walks - 80lbs Dumbbell each hand w/ Fat Gripz - 60 seconds x 2
• Parallel Grip Pull Ups w/ Fat Gripz - 6-10 reps x 3
• Pull ups 8-12 Reps x 3
• Towel Hangs - 60 seconds x 2
• Hand Grippers - 20 reps x 5
• Try, and fail, to open a pickle jar because my hands are so tired x AMRAP

Grip/Forearm training is exhausting, and will leave those areas of your body fatigued for several days so in the beginning I'd suggest doing this workout either after your heavy pulling sessions, or on a separate day with 48-72 hours rest before your next pull day.  

Wrap-up

There ya have it, a run down of, what I think, is some pretty good gear for getting a stronger grip.
As an anecdote, when I started seriously working my grip, I had plateaued at LMAO4plaet on deadlifts (405lbs), and was having to use alternate grip starting at around 275lbs / 315lbs. After a month of a routine very similar to what I listed above, I was able to easily pull 405lbs with Double Over Hand for 3 reps (with a 1RM using alternate grip of 455lbs, meh.) My Judo improved markedly as well, with people not being able to break my grip and my ability to perform 'kuzushi' (off balancing attacks) increasing pretty much exponentially.

So go train that grip!

The Riddle of Steel - Part 2 - Strength of Will

In "The Riddle of Steel Part I" I discussed at some length "Strength of Mind", the first part of the triumvirate that makes up the first half of "The Riddle of Steel."  The two remaining aspects of strength are "Strength of Body" and "Strength of Will."  Strength is commonly defined in terms of physicality, and is thus something with which most people are familiar with at some level and won't be addressed in this entry.

Strength of Will

While being integral to a Brodinian, "will" is a rather ethereal concept, and is thus difficult to explain in concise and succinct terms, so it is usually best to provide an anecdote to help illustrate.

"Big" Lou Ferrigno - Will tempered through adversity

Yeah, you're jelly.

As an infant, Lou suffered a debilitating ear infection which resulted in an 80% permanent hearing loss which went undiagnosed until he was 4 years old.  This, coupled with coming from a lower-middle class family, which often struggled to make ends meet, would likely be too much for most people to deal with.

Lou was born and raised in Brooklyn, New York during the 50's to a lower-middle-class family.  Being a child with a disability in Brooklyn during the 50's sucked.  Lou was teased and bullied for his disability by neighbors, classmates and even school faculty.  Through his tormenting, Lou found strength and threw himself into athletics, and eventually bodybuilding.  Despite his disability, or perhaps due in part to, Lou became one of the most recognizable Professional Bodybuilders in the "Golden Era" of bodybuilding, standing shoulder to shoulder with people like Arnold Schwarzenegger, Franco Columbu and Frank Zane.  Here's what Lou had to say about his disability:

"I think that if I wasn't hard of hearing I wouldn't be where I am now. Early on, as a youngster it was difficult, but I’m not ashamed to talk about it because many people have misconceptions about hearing loss; like who has hearing loss and what it’s like not to hear, so I do talk about it,” he says. “I think my hearing loss helped create a determination within me to be all that I can be, and gave me a certain strength of character too...” - from disaboom.com

The Bodybuilding Monk - Kai Green 

This is the most normal picture I could find of Kai

If you don't know who Kai Greene is - just watch this and despair at how woefully inadequate you are by comparison.

Kai, like Lou, Schwarzenegger and many of the other big names in bodybuilding, had a rough time growing up.  As a child he became a ward of the state, and was shuffled around from various foster homes, had a difficult time making friends, had behavior problems, got in fights (from which the scar on the right side of his face resulted.)  Kai's Highschool English Teacher motivated him to get involved with bodybuilding as a way to channel a lot of his angst, setting Kai on his path.

Kai is regarded as one of the 'holy men' of bodybuilding - despite all his success in competition, endorsement deals and whatnot, he still lives in the Bronx, and still maintains a very spartan lifestyle, and displays a philosophy and work ethic that put him more on par with Zen Masters than your average bodybuilder.  Here's Kai's own words regarding thought (will) and accomplishing your goals:

Strength of Will for the Brodinian

Adversity builds character, but in the Brodinian, adversity should also serve to galvanize the will, as it did with Ferrigno and Greene.

With the exception of people like Lou and Arnold (discussed in Part I), most people have a hard time reaching their goals.  This usually isn't because the goals are impossible (though that is sometimes the case,) usually it is because one lacks the will to succeed.  Strength of Will is gained from facing hardship, and realizing that in all but the most abject and desperate of situations, you will survive, and you can overcome most obstacles, or at least circumnavigate them in order to reach your goal.

In the quest for strength and size, it is easy to become discouraged because some important milestones are seemingly insurmountable, whether it be 20" biceps or a 700lbs deadlift.  When people plateau on their progress to these goals, many people become discouraged and sometimes give up.  There are a few methods that help a lot of people accomplish amazing things in the bodybuilding community

• Break your main goal into 'related sub-goals' - If you're questing for a 700lbs deadlift, you shouldn't be questing for it in isolation, and there are many other lifts that will help you along your way.  Deadlift benefits from a range of other exercises (squats, rows, farmers walks, etc.) so it would be worth investing time to bring each of those to a respectable level - for example, you might strive to:

1. Squat 500lbs
2. Pendlay Row 315lbs
3. Farmers Walks 100yards w/ 120lbs dumbbells
4. Perform a set of 10 pullups with 100lbs added

Each of these in turn, can be broken into sub goals too.  This helps put things into perspective, and gives series of minor milestones stones which will help bolster and galvanize your will.  When you reach one of your goals or subgoals, reward yourself.  Other people most likely won't give a shit that you reached a 225lbs squat, but that shouldn't make it less important to you.  Consistent progress is the main point.

• Research the problem, fix it with science - Many times, people falter in their quest for size and strength because they're not approaching it logically.  Beginner lifters for example, strive to hit the coveted 3 plate bench while not paying attention to their form, diet, etc.  We live in an era so rich with information that there is absolutely no excuse to not know how to properly perform an exercise, not know how to calculate your BMR/TDEE, and so on.  There are a seemingly endless amount of forums and blogs talking about any given topic - seek out the ones that seem like they know what they're talking about and read everything you can about your chosen discipline.  If you're doing Olympic lifting, find a coach that specializes in that.  If you're a powerlifter, find a gym where people powerlift, and whatever you do.  Looking for a beginner or specialized program?  Fucking google it.
• Don't let perfect be the enemy of good - We fail more than we succeed. Period.  The more you accept that, the easier it is to deal with.  You will falter in your quest for strength and size.  You will get injured, sick, plateau and just have generally shitty days at the gym.  Don't beat yourself up over it, because it's all about progress - which comes at a variable rate.  Instead, resolve yourself to do better next session.  If your methodology and execution are right, you'll get there eventually.
• Exercising Will in turn Builds Will - Exercise your strength of will in more trivial matters, and watch your drive and willpower grow exponentially.  Don't eat that 7th donut for the day; go to the gym even though you're a little worn out; prepare your food the night before, so you don't have to go out for lunch, and so on.  Overtime, tasks that seemed insurmountable previously will seem like a walk in the park.

Final Thoughts:

Aside from some random trivia about great bodybuilders, there should be nothing in the above that wasn't blatantly obvious to most people.  The secret to Will is that there is no secret - Will, like all forms of strength and skill, come from consistent practice, application and knowledge.  The path of the Brodinian is not one of mystery - it is one of sweat, viscera and furrowed brows.

In the final entry discussing "The Riddle of Steel," we'll look at the yin side - Adaptation and Flexibility - without which, even the strongest tree can fall.

A Few Swolespirational Movies

Kai-Green - Overkill:

Lou Ferrigno Training Circa 1980:

Who is Brodin / What is Brodinism?

What is All this "Brodin" stuff about?

---

Over the past few weeks there has been a recent upsurge in Brodin related posts which has raised some questions as to the efficacy and fidelity to the SwoleAcceptance movement.  Thus, at the behest of GZCL, I decided to make a post detailing Brodinism as I understand it.

Etymology:  

Brodin is a portmanteau of "Bro" (a slang term used for those who tend to work out a lot) and the Norse Deity "Odin Allfather."  /u/hereswhyyousuck can largely be credited for the creation of the term.

Brodinism is an evolving philosophy that uses Brodin as a central figure as a way of understanding the path of swole.

BUT, ISN'T THIS ALL A JOKE?

Truthfully, the idea of **Brodin** and the pantheon of Bro-Related dieties (**Bropollo - Father of Silverhydra**, **Broseidon**, etc.) started as just idle farce, and is still largely in this realm.  However, A few users (myself included) see virtue in the idea of Brodin, and use him as a central figure to help impart elements of swolosophy to the masses.

Philosophy:

As stated above, Brodinism is an evolving philosophy and there are currently many swolosophers contributing to the Brodin mythos. *Ergo* it is somewhat difficult to put in concrete terms what Brodinism entails, but there are a few tenants that most people seem to agree with:

* Fitness should be viewed as a spiritual/religious practice and pursued with a similar fervor.

* Weakness in oneself should be examined, understood, then eradicated.

* One should always strive to exceed their own perceived limitations; complacency is close to death.

* One should always strive to help others on the path of swole; be it with encouraging words, a workout partner, 'keeping it real,' etc.

* Acceptance of all those of different shapes and sizes on the path of swole.

* One should not be too set in their ways, ever mindful of following a false path.

* The path of swole is threefold:  Perfection of Mind (Intellectual Pursuits), Perfection of Body (Training), and Perfection of Spirit (Development of Will, Compassion and Understanding)

* The most important muscle for a Brodinian to exercise is his heart

But Brodin isn't real!

While the concept of Brodin is certainly a recent invention.  However, that doesn't make the lessons of Brodin any less valuable.  Brodin is really just an archetype - and the teachings of Brodin are intended to help followers come closer to that ideal.  Brodin is an amalgamation of everything that those on the path of swole tend to value:  Strength, Intelligence, Compassion, and an awesome beard.

How does this apply to Swole Acceptance?

If you read through some of the posts in /r/swoleacceptance, you'll notice a theme:  People who don't understand us think we're 'fanatical' or 'obsessed' with working out.  Those are two words that are commonly applied to the extremely pious and religious - and usually in a negative light.  It is unfair to the swole community to be labeled the same way as Islamic Extremists and Christian Fundamentalists simply because we have conviction in what we do in regards to fitness.  We don't hurt anybody; we largely don't do things that are a drain on society; and for the most part we are law abiding, intelligent and contributing members of society.

Brodinism is an answer to these labels.  We know we're obsessed, fanatical and over zealous regarding fitness - and we accept it.  Self-improvement is seldom a bad thing, regardless of what the weak-privileged mainstream would have you believe.   Moreover, as obsessed as many of us are with the pursuit of strength (swole, etc.), many of us apply that same fervor to other aspects of our lives, yet we are only seen for our outer qualities.  Brodinism should be looked at as a way to help those who do not understand us gain some insight into why we do what we do, but also help those either on the path, or wanting to begin the journey, learn from Brodin's teachings.

Is everyone in /r/swoleacceptance a Brodinist?

No, and that's fine.  Brodinism is still in its infancy.  Once it finally coalesces I suspect that the Brodinist ranks will swell, but even if that doesn't happen, it's okay.  We are all members of the swole-brotherhood, and what's important is that we support each other, and educate the outside world.

This entry is a copy from this thread on the Reddit SwoleAcceptance forum - Feel free to join in on the conversation!